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I AM, what I accept


I received an “Ahh-Hah” moment, as Oprah Winfrey would put it, the day I was on the phone with the insurance company.  I was pregnant with my youngest and the doctor encouraged me to get an insulin pump.  While, holding for the agent, I visualized the pump pressed against my abdomen, just how I saw it on T.V.  I had a few questions I wrote down for the agent, like what should I do while swimming? And the shower?  I was filled with excitement as I anticipated a life without pricking my fingers and poking my stomach with needles.  I couldn’t wait.  After a minute or two, the agent buzzed back in, “Thanks for holding Sheyda”, he said.  Kindly, I replied, “Yes, of course.”  What happened next, played a pivotal role in the way I viewed adversity.

I noticed the tone of the agent’s voice changed to disappointment, as he said, “Well, with insurance ma’am, the pump will cost five thousand dollars.”  He sighed.  First, I was shocked; then troubled.  And suddenly, I was outraged.  Money was holding me back, yet again, of living a life of ease and progress.  I blamed the insurance company for being crooked thieves.  Why was I paying three hundred forty-seven dollars a month, and where was it going?  I informed the agent that I couldn’t afford the pump, and hung up with bitterness.  Afterwards, I sat at my desk, feeling like “woe is me.”  I felt helpless.  But, I knew I was a warm-hearted woman who loved the Lord, and sowed many good seeds.  I prayed for calmness in my heart, mainly for the baby inside me.  Then, I asked myself this- would God desire for me to be without an insulin pump?  No, of course not.  Then, I began thinking, all the things I settled to be without.  Dental care for all of us had been obsolete.  Foundation issues in our house was deemed unsafe.  My son wanted to play baseball and my daughter wanted to dance.  I always wanted to eat organic fruits and vegetables, but just couldn’t.  Something, had to change.

I just knew, I had to evaluate myself because God is not poor and HE is the main source that supplies abundance; so, something wasn’t right.  Initially, my frustration came in part of the pump’s expense, not the diabetes.  I had accepted a diagnosis given to me by doctors.  And once I accepted diabetes as something I had to carry for life; I then owned everything about it.  Indeed, it was mine, all mine.  This included the expectation of all the limitations this disease carries, even the horrifying prognosis of amputations, blindness, failed kidneys- and yes, even death.  I am, what I accept!  So, basically speaking- I am an insulin-dependent diabetic because I accepted that I am, an insulin-dependent diabetic.

Moreover, I figured out that it’s not God withholding a life of freedom from me; it’s me.  I had forgotten about Matthew 8:17, ‘This was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah: “He took up our infirmities and bore our diseases.”  Thankfully, I don’t have to accept this disease because Jesus already paid the price.  I am free and no longer held captive by my limited beliefs.  I have acquired enough faith to receive the mighty blessing of healing.  In addition, to this faith, I need works.  Because, it says in James 2:17, “In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.”  Healing will require my participation, meaning- a total life-change.  I was reminded of a quote from the famous Albert Einstein, who once said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”  Once, I change my eating habits in ways that’ll honor my body and God, I won’t have to take insulin anymore.  Amazingly, once I released the lies I acquired through life experiences and old beliefs, something inside me started to shift.

Truly, our experiences along the way are meant to guide us, into our destiny.  But how can we go further along our journey if we’re shackled, and there’s a veil covering the heart?  This veil has a power so strong that it will hide the spiritual truth of God’s sovereignty and HIS love for us.  It’s now time to remove the veil.  So, let us be humble and seek the Lord through our helplessness.  God will come to us, exactly where we are.  HE understands all and knows we’re confined by our infirmities.  Thankfully, through grace and mercy, we all have straight access to HIS throne; which provides a clear pathway to God and nothing is stopping us.  For, there’s no job, no addiction, no physical and mental limitations, no financial burdens can stop us.  Let’s take advantage of this opportunity given at this very moment- and be free.  It starts NOW!

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