Excerpt from my upcoming book:
In My Beginning…
My journey of self-discovery all began with this nagging feeling that something was off; I mean, way off. I literally felt like a fish out of water, and it was cutting off my air supply to peace and joy. Now, I was fortunate to have a career that enabled me to sow good seeds, but I was meeting much opposition from management. So much so, that it interfered with my mood and quality of work. I started to dread work- I would cry on breaks, in my car, out of the car, in the bathroom. However, the day I cried on a client’s couch, was the day I had enough. One morning while driving, I prayed to God with one main request; more like a plea. I desperately needed my purpose to be revealed, to ensure I was honoring HIS will for my life. Yes, I wanted to be like Jesus. To go and fulfill Our Father’s will, and I didn’t want to look back. And another day I prayed and asked for the opportunity to be a blessing, a miracle to someone. And a different day I prayed for understanding, to receive God’s wisdom. And one night I prayed for strength and patience to be the woman God created me to be. And another day I prayed for all the faith I needed, to receive all of God’s blessings. I should’ve known that God listened to every word spoken from my mouth and uttered from my heart.
HE has taken me on the greatest road to redemption through answering my prayers. Even the potholes are amusing because they cause me to reevaluate the condition of my vehicle (self). I’ve taken many wrong turns but they’re alternative routes; for, with God nothing is wrong. I’ve noticed that the alternate routes allow us to depend on God, for strength and endurance. Not to mention, we learn a valuable lesson, ultimately becoming a step closer to our destiny. So, even when we get distracted and miss the signs or make a turn without seeking the map (God). Either way, we always make it to our destination. But, what I didn’t know is that along the way, I would pick up hitchhikers headed in the same direction; or, simply there to show me a better route. To my surprise, these strangers and me would have life changing conversations. Some were brief because their stop was near. Others became actual relationships because of the bond and energy infused along the way. It appears, whoever stepped foot on this journey with me, opened me up in ways I didnt know were closed. Why was it difficult for me to open up and allow people to know who I was?
During my quest for openness, I mourned over the little girl in me that was taught secrets. I understood her pain and why she chose to cover my heart. But, it was time to say good-bye, farewell, adios Amiga. And then she was gone, just like that. Afterwards, I hungered for innocence because my beginnings of childhood were sinful. I yearned for the same purity in a newborn baby, the first glance at a new love, or even true love’s first kiss. I thirsted to be the woman, mother, daughter, sister, nurse, neighbor, advocate, friend, author, niece, cousin, mentor, writer, poet, leader, and runner that God created me to be. I craved Sheyda.